
Since BH delivered the best sermon of all time, we thought we’d share it online since so many of you wanted to experience it again, and many wanted to experience it who weren’t there. We may get video of this eventually which we’ll put online. Enjoy.
Note: all areas in RED, are adlibbed areas BH decided to add in the Day of after he felt that the whole thing was kinda confusing…
“Ladies and gentlemen, I am incredibly honored and pleased to present to you, for the FINAL time, the unmarried Nica Lorber and Jon Rayner!
Getting to this spot right here is the amazing and hard and awesome part of the whole thing. But we’ll get to that in a little bit.
Three things! First off… This is a wedding celebration. This isn’t a coronation, or a computation or a conflagration or a circumcision, this is a wedding celebration. Cheer, yell, tell us a story.
[Amy]: Second. This is a wedding celebration. This isn’t a coronation, or a computation or a conflagration or a circumcision, this is a WEDDING CELEBRATION. Behavine accordingly!
Third! No, we would never triple-up on This Is A Wedding Celebration. But please do add your two or ten or 50 cents – cheer, yell, tell us a story, behave or misbehave… but be forwarned. For the next 20 minutes, or more, this is our Church, this is our pulpit and the Preacher always has the last word.
Objections?
Once upon a time, in a land far far away, where the broiling seas met soaring mountains, where the winds howled the sun beamed and the snows fell like blankets of joy, where the $ grew on trees like bursting figs and then withered into crumbling dust tumbling rumbling grumbling to the ground, where opportunity screamed for takers and takers screamed for mercy… in THIS beautiful land far far away there came a beautiful little nymph named Fiddlehead. And The Little Nymph Fiddlehead spent her days spanning the glorious Heavens in a big fat flying trollship called The Albino Turd.
I was originally planning to do an entire ceremony that was in the form of an allegorical story, and I did try out a number of them before realizing that that wasn’t going to capture This Marriage fully or truly enough. but I will give you a handful of the false starts. The first one, about the Albino Turd and Fiddlehead, is actually an excerpt from a proposal that Nica once had me write up and present face-to-face wo the Executive Team at Mondo Media, to have them bankroll and produce and broadcast “Fiddlehead and The Albino Turd” as one of their featured weekly animation serials. Although they passed, that was an incredible meeting and I don’t think I’ve ever expressed my deep gratitude adequately to Nica for putting iton the books. Seriously, thank you.
You are GETTING MARRIED. Right here. Right now. I can’t tell you how unbelievably excited I am for you. But I am going to try.
What is marriage? What is this that you are both doing? People have been writing and singing about this for a millenia.
Advice! Ancient cultures, all of them!
There is an old Jewish saying that says “Ask about your neighbors, then buy the house.”
I told you so! Go figure!
But before we go on with that, I want to get back to #4! Once upon a time, not so very long ago at all, in a wild age of neon green living, thriving buzzing sludge brewing in ancient, goo-filled horsetroughs in the very far reaches, in the epoch of post-familial wet t-shirt contests, and fantastic innocence, there lived a precociously painterly Hangover named Corcy. The Hangover, Corky the Hangover.
On to what Muslims have to say about marriage, or at least what I think they have said about something that is pretty much of the same thing. It goes something like: “Take one step towards Allah, and Allah does a two-step towards you.
Best Dances, trust & faith!
#7! Once upon a time, in a not so very long ago at all, in a golden Neopolitan age of super polka dots and digitally enhanced sensuality and lush really cool stripes, there lived a spicy tomboy tough Toenail named PokeyJokey. And for all her smooth bravado and rugged eroticism, The Toenail named PokeyJokey had a soft spot. A very soft, and quite slightly overripe spot.
Thou Shalt Not!
Christians! They have a lot of good advice about marriage. Don’t murder. Don’t adulter, -er. Don’t covet. OK, covet a little. My favorite is Don’t Lie. Don’t lie. Although Amy corrected me on that a few years back: Don’t lie about the the REAL stuff. You can, and sometimes you SHOULD, lie about the other stuff, Amy said. And I do now think I believe she’s correct. I still have no idea how to actually do it right, so you should both ask her about that after the ceremony.
Here are the Top 4 most frequently used words in emails from Jon:
CORC – acronym for The City of Redwood City
Coe – Henry Coe State Park
Nica – yes, that IS cute
and Hangover – asin Jon’s #1 keyword.
Thank you , Jon. Seriously, thank you.
You are GETTING MARRIED. Right here. Right now. I can’t tell you how unvelievable excited I am for you. But I am trying.
Nica! was named after a song called Nica’s Dream. Pannonica Rothschild (nicknamed “Nica”), born, 1013, was the daughter of Charles Rothschild and the Hungarian baroness Rozsika Edle Von Wertheimstein. The name “Pannonica” derives from Eastern Europe’s Pannonian plain. In 1935 she married French diplomat Baron Jules de Koenigswarter. The couple separated in 1951 and she moved to New York City, renting a suite at teh Hotel Stanhope on Fifth Avenue. The couple eventually divorced in 1956. In New York, she became a friend and patron of many prominent jazz musicians, hosting jam sessions in her hotel suite. She is sometimes referred to as the “bebop baroness” or “jazz baroness” because of her patronage of Thelonious Monk and Charlie Parker among others. There are numerous jazz compositions in her honour. Gigi Gryce’s “Nica’s Tempo”, Kenny Drew’s “Blues for Nica”, Freddie Redd’s “Nica Steps Out”, Barry Harris’s “Inca”, Tommy Flanagan’s “Thelonica” and Thelonious Monk’s “Pannonica” and finally Horace Silver’s “Nica’s Dream” were all named after her.
Or if you want a more concise answer: Nica was named after a song written for “bebop baroness, Pannonica de Koenigswarter called “Nica’s Dream” written by Horace Silver.
Before I11 Buddhists!
#11 There is a quote that Amy and I had my Dad read at our wedding celebration I decided to summarize it, because what it really is getting at, at it’s core is this: You are extremely cool. And so are you. Don’t ever forget that.”
But then I realized that even though that IS what I want you to hear in it, there is enough more to it that I want to read it all to you.
There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you in to action. And because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. If you block it, it will never exist through any other medium, in any other place, in any other time. It will be lost forever. And the world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how valuable it is, nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. Remain open and aware direclty to the urges that motivate you and only you… and to the unrest that keeps you marching more alive.
Love each other. Love yourselves. Love you. And love you. You are why you fell in love with each other in the first place. And why you’ll continue to fall in love with each other for the rest of your lives.
This is alchemy. Build yourselves the house!
So here’s the deal, after all this is said and done. What you are doing here today is so damn special, it is hard to describe precisely in words. It is a big wonderful, amazing, courageous step. Don’t take any of this lightly; and take all of it light as a feather. Anyone who has gotten married knows how special this is. This is going for it, really truly participating. In life. In love. In yourself. And in someone else. It’s one of the few steps that you can take in life that is running happily off a cliff and dropping into a totally new way of being. And a totally new way of thinking about being. It is one of the ultimate states of getting asked the question “Hey, do you actually do THAT?” And saying “Yes, I do.”
From the depths of my heart, I celebrate with you both here today.
For everything, and for taking your vows to everything. Rings please!
“I Jon, take you Nica, to be my wife. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, In good times and bad. I humbly give you my heart as a sanctuary of warmth and peace, and pledge my faith and love to you. Just as this circle is without end, my love for you is like a mobius band. No beginning, no end. And single sided… With this ring, I thee wed.”
“I Nica, take you Jon, to be my husband. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, In good times and bad. I humbly give you my heart as a sanctuary of warmth and peace, and pledge my faith and love to you. Just as this circle is without end, my love for you is like a mobius band. No beginning, no end. And single sided… With this ring, I thee wed.”
So now, without further ado, but WITH the power invested in me by the Universal Life Church of Modesto, California, I am so very proud to pronounce you husband and wife. Kiss yourselves!!!
Ladies and Gentlemen, for the very first time, let’s hear it for Jonica Lorayner. Maestro!